Your Daughter has a Disgusting Boyfriend
- Diana McDaniel Hampo
- 5 days ago
- 3 min read
One of the hardest things for parents is .watching their child fall in love (or at least they think they are in love) withan absolute jack wagon, with a mean, rude, disrespectful jerk. They "fall in love" with people who don't deserve them. They're literally not good enough.
I've seen all my children fall in love with people so obviously wrong for them, stupid people, with no future, people who didn't respect them or the family, idiots who are obviously only interested in sex or money.
But the kid, that you love, swears it's true love. They believe, their love is different and nobody on the planet understands them, except the idiot, you hate...
After raising four kids and going through this painful and terrible situation several times, here's what I've learned.
You have to stop arguing and yelling, you'll never win and only push your child farther away.
Your kiddo thinks they are really really in love. They aren't falling in love with the dirt bag to hurt you. They fall in love and stand by that scuzzy person because humans are hardwired to always choose love first. They will pick that gross person over you, not to hurt you, they do it because, in their brain, because of brain chemicals, love is the most important thing. And they honestly believe their love if differen.
If you continue to argue and yell, demanding your child stay away from jerk face, if you lay down ultimatiams, and demands that they never see the dirt bag again....you're creating the perfect Romeo and Julliett scenerio and brother let me tell you..."you're screwed."
You've accidently created the "Use against the World" scenerio . And you're
never going win.
What can you do?
Accept reality and understand your kid isn't trying to hurt you. They simply want love.
Keep the enemy as close as possible. Invite them to dinner, let them hang out and watch a movie with the family. If they're young, offer to take them to the movies or bowling, but hang around, a few lanes away, or watch the movie a few rows away.
Another example: In your family the wife never nit picks her husband infront of people, why does this person constantly do that in front of everyone? It's disrespectuful.. You're kid deserves better.
Maybe in your family the man always holds the door for his partner and daughters. But the unwanted dummy doesn't. Make sure your daughter knows they deserve to be treated well.
When your child compares how people are respected in your family to the person they think they are in love with, maybe they'll start to notice and want those things.
And finally, consider you might be wrong. Maybe for now, its a good fit and not actually doing any great harm. Take time to consider all sides instead of being the cliche dad on the porch with a shotgun. That's not scary that's just sad, ineffective and will push them closer together.
You're older, you've had more experience. Chances are, you can think things through and outsmart teenagers but only if you stop "hot head reacting", Slow down and don't speak from a place of anger and pain. Go with love and respect first. Remember you want to help your kid and not punish them.
I'm not a professional, just a mom. Good luck.